The heartache of one or more failed IVF attempts is impossible to explain to anyone who hasn’t longed for a baby—your own delightfully cuddly, sweet-smelling infant cradled in your arms—more than anything else in the world. You may feel depressed, angry, and betrayed by your own body as well as jealous of other women who so easily (and sometimes so carelessly) get pregnant. Perhaps you feel envious and even resentful of other women who have had successful IVF pregnancies.
Allow yourself time to grieve. You and your partner need to acknowledge your feelings and accept them, even as you decide that you’ll still pick yourself up and keep moving forward.
When you feel that you can begin moving forward again, it’s time to consider your other options. These options can include adoption, surrogacy, and egg donation.
Using donor eggs has become far more commonplace in the last few years. One of the reasons is that success rates for donated eggs can be as high as 52%, which makes it an incredibly hopeful option. Another reason is that your child will have your partner’s DNA, and even though you will not be genetically related to your child, you will have carried him or her in your own womb. The opportunity to have that first experience of motherhood—pregnancy—is one of the reasons women choose egg donation. In the end, how can that baby be any less your child simply because he doesn’t have your DNA? You’ll love her with the same, fierce love as any mother loves her child.
You have choices when it comes to choosing the egg donor, as well. Through donor banks, you will get to read through and select a donor whose attributes you desire—whether they are physical attributes or other, less tangible attributes such as intelligence, athleticism, etc. You will also have the option of keeping the donation anonymous, semi-known, or known. You can choose never to meet the donor, meet the donor once or twice, or choose a donor who is part of your family or is a friend willing to donate her eggs. You are in charge of deciding what works best for you and your situation.
While the stigma of IVF pregnancies is all but gone, some couples who choose egg donation still choose to keep their choice quiet. How much information about your child’s earliest beginnings you share with others (and your child) is entirely up to you, but the general populace has become more educated and far more sympathetic to the plight of women who choose egg donation out of a desire to have a child or children.
If you are interested in obtaining more information about egg donation or talking to someone who can help you make an informed, educated choice, contact Santa Monica Fertility to request more information.